Getting Out of a Lack Mindset

Okay, I know you’ve read the title and you might be apprehensive, but I promise I’m not going to try to TED talk my way into your brain and tell you that you need to be more positive and all of your problems will be solved. I more so wanted to reflect on my own mindset shift recently, something that is an accumulation of feeling inspired by people around me and reflecting on my previous perspectives. As you may know (and be tired of hearing), it’s my last semester of university and I am very eager (and scared) to graduate. Because of this, I’ve been spending a lot of time with people who are providing a source of comfort and even enthusiasm for not knowing what’s next. In the past year or so, I’ve had several close friends leave my life. I wrote a bit about this process in my ‘Things I Wish I Knew at 18’ post, but as much as it hurt, I knew it was good for me. In the past 3 months especially, I’ve felt a lot of rejection, but I’ve also felt a newfound admiration for the women in my circle. I’ve become more conscious of the people I am giving my energy to, and I’ve started to shift my overall perspective on appreciation. I think it’s really important during your young adulthood to have people who support your decisions without judgement. While I’m still working on setting boundaries, I have noticed that the people I now spend time around are providing me with inspiration, creating a positive and energy-granting environment. Too often do we spend time with energy vampires, something that can entirely change our daily perspectives.

One of my friends, the lovely @aylasophieclark (Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, & Blog!!), graduated from the same university as me last year and she’s said something a few times that really helped me reframe how I’m viewing these last months of uni. Essentially, she told me that I need to remember that it’s my LAST few months, and unless I choose to go back to university, which isn’t something I’m sure of yet, this will be the final time I’m taking courses, doing homework, studying for exams, and being in an academic environment. She told me that during the end of her studies, she really tried to think about her courses as learning rather than required education. She tried to focus on the idea that she’s gaining information, getting the opportunity to have this knowledge, rather than just trying to trudge through the last bit. Ever since she told me that, I realized how bittersweet it is to leave an environment I’ve been in for 16 years, especially one which I’ve been independent in for 3 years. I will no longer have the structure of academia, of specific courses during the week, of homework on the weekends, and of winter & summer breaks. I don’t want to spend my last three or so months of this complaining about how I just wish it were over already. I think part of my mindset shift overall has been actively reminding myself to stop wishing my life away. There will come a time in my life where I’ll miss exactly where I am right now, and I can’t get these days back. I’m guilty of thinking too far ahead in the future to try and be prepared, but instead of feeling confident I miss out on important moments and create excess anxiety about my future. Of course this doesn’t mean I never complain — yes, there’s parts I don’t love about university. But in general, I get to learn about sociolinguistics, political communication, media ethics, and more this semester, and that’s SO cool. Those topics are so complex and the fact that I get to learn about them from professors who have a comprehensive background and respect for the field is so incredible. Yes, I can learn about those at any point in my life, but right now I have the privileged opportunity to have a structured and comprehensive overview of these topics with institutional access to more information. And all of this came from my friend telling my not to wish away this last semester :)

I think in general I have felt like I’ve started to actually live in the present for probably the first time in my life. Which honestly is kind of sad to say, but I like being brutally honest in this little internet diary :) I don’t know if any of you remember my ‘New Year, Same Me’ post back in late December, but I explained that for the past 2 years I’ve chosen three words of the year — last year, they were Appreciate, Bloom, and Intentional. This year, with the knowledge of upcoming life changes, I chose the words Present, Affirm, and Create. I’m highlighting these right now because I think making a conscious decision of the energy I want to take in and exude in a year has really helped me. I wrote ‘present’ because I knew of how much I struggle with being present, and because I know that I am not always going to live in the same city as my best friends I want to be as present as possible, even if we’re just studying together. This isn’t something I achieved overnight, and I’m still having valuable conversations with friends about how to be more present when I am with them, but because I’ve started shifting my mindset towards that goal I have noticed a difference. I genuinely feel like the past 3 months has unearthed a new side of myself, and I’m not sure if it’s because of my frontal lobe development or what, but I’ve had people tell me they feel like they can see my growth (which is SUCH a high compliment from people you admire). I’ve said a few times that I feel like the universe has been testing me recently, and while I know that gets mixed reactions from people, I do think I’ve been given the chance to make different decisions than I would have made even 6 months ago, which to me is a tangible example of growth.

Another thing I’ve noticed about myself is my willingness to compliment myself? I think this partially stems from my position as a woman who doesn’t want to be seen as cocky or egotistical if I am confident in myself, but if the Barbie movie taught me anything it’s that I need to be proud of my self. I know my own value, I know what I can contribute to the world, and I also know where I still need to learn. If I were to put this into a sentence, it would be that I now respect myself. This might be odd to hear, but some of the actions I’ve taken in the past several years have been severely disrespectful to my physical and mental self, and I’m recognizing now that I am making decisions that benefit and protect myself. I’m not trying to tell you how amazing I am throughout this blog post, but I thought it might help someone else to hear the ways in which little mindset shifts can change your entire perspective. A friend once told me that she had to put her respect for herself over her feelings for someone else — at the time, I didn’t want to hear this and I did not adhere to this advice. This phrase has stuck with me because it genuinely makes or breaks how you treat yourself. You should always try to respect other people, but how often do we respect ourselves?

This blog topic has been on my mind a lot as I think about where I want to go next in the world. As a Gen Z woman, I see the world differently than my parents or grandparents or even professors. I know the options I have are extremely privileged, but I also know any place I want to establish myself in next is going to take work. I have to decide how willing I am to be uncomfortable as I acclimate. I don’t want to go into the next stage of my life with a lack mindset. I think it’s unfair and disrespectful to myself to limit my aspirations to what the “norm” is, because if I’ve learned anything from my education it’s that the word “normal” has contributed to way too many harmful perspectives and is not something I want to strive for. Not everything is going to work out the way I think it will, and that’s totally okay! I’m grateful that the plans I had for myself at 18 are not realistic to how my life has developed thus far, and I am shifting my mindset to be more open to all of the possibilities coming my way. I haven’t changed everything about myself, nor do I want to, but through prioritizing generous friendships and putting a little bit more trust in myself I have shifted from an apprehensive to an appreciative mindset. I saw this quote the other day that said, “the world around you is beautiful when the world within you is peaceful.” While I still struggle with my mental health daily & I still have ongoing issues in my personal life, I am trying to take life as it is, which isn’t nearly as bad as everyone always told me it’s going to be.