It’s Okay to Change Your Mind
Would you believe me if I told you that I’ve moved abroad, moved home, moved abroad again, changed my major, transferred universities, and changed my major again (all in the past 3 years)?
Yeah, I don’t believe myself either. I truly cannot make a decision for the life of me. And you know what? That’s totally fine.
If you’ve read my first Armchair Traveler post, you’ll know that I’ve wanted to live abroad for years. When I was in high school, I decided to commit to that, and I looked at universities in Europe. At that point in my life, I had been taking part in a dual enrollment program at my local community college (I would take classes at my high school and then drive to my community college and take classes there). I was enrolled in their Allied Health program, and while I had been interested in healthcare for years, I didn’t really know what direction I wanted to go with it. I knew I wouldn’t thrive in clinical healthcare, and after intense googling, I realized how much I liked global health. The problem was, this isn’t exactly a subject that can fit into an undergraduate degree. There were few bachelor’s programs in global health, and fewer that I thought I would be accepted into and actually be able to afford.
Which brought me to international relations. I decided to pick an undergraduate degree that would compliment a master’s in global health, and because the universities I applied to had limited options, international relations seemed like the best fit. I like history and politics, and I think it’s a great degree for gaining a background in those topics. So, I committed to my program in Prague, and I moved here at 18. At that point in my life, I had never been outside of North America, and I had a very basic background of the life and culture of the Czech Republic. I dove deep, and I felt the consequences of that.
I have always been a planner. I started looking at universities when I was probably 12 or 13. Part of that stems from being the youngest child, meaning I wanted to grow up as fast as my sister (let’s not unpack that right now). I shadowed women in STEM, I went on college campus tours, and I bookmarked universities all over the U.S. and Europe that I would be interested in. I took so many job match quizzes, and I wrote down things I enjoyed that I could see myself doing as a career. But despite all of that, I had no idea what I wanted to do, and I felt very lost going into my university decision. My entire life, teachers and adults have made it seem like when you choose your major in college, you’re essentially picking out the rest of your life. Which is true on some level — it sets you up for the beginning of your career, and it’s an important decision, but it’s not really that serious (before you get annoyed, I’ll explain further). They told us to graduate high school, go to university, get a job, get married. There was no discussion of not knowing, or not wanting to go to university, or of what we should do if we got to university and hated it. That bothers me so much because while that timeline of events may have worked 40 years ago, it sure doesn’t now. Anyone in Gen Z knows that we don’t have the same experience with adulthood that our parents and grandparents had. I know SO many people my age that don’t have a clue what they’re doing, and while the older adults in our lives are saying we just need to figure it out, our mental health is struggling.
About 2 weeks after I started university, I realized that international relations was not for me. It’s an interesting topic, and I like learning about it in my personal time, but I knew that I didn’t want to study that subject for the next 3 years. Combine that with realizing I just moved 4,000 miles away from home, being surrounded by people having the same exact crisis I was, and feeling like my 5 year plan had just crumbled, and you’ll get a girl who is in the worst mental state of her life. I truly did not know what to do, because again, I felt like I needed to have it all figured out.
I think this is where so many of us start to spiral. Why is there such a pressure to have your life figured out at 18? Like do you hear how that sounds? I wish that I could go back and make my younger self understand this, because it would’ve saved me so much grief.
I talked to my parents, and my mom pointed out that not only had I been in school for the past 13 years, but I had also been in college for 2 already. She said that I had never been given a chance to just slow down and think, and she suggested taking a gap semester to give myself this time. I had considered a gap year very briefly a few years prior, but I had been so eager to get out of my hometown and jump into adulthood that the idea never stuck. As soon as my mom suggested it, I knew in my gut that I needed that, so I paused my degree and moved home.
Over the next 7 months, I worked two jobs, spent time with my family, and spoke to the older people in my life. They gave me their perspectives and advice, and it was genuinely such a valuable period of my life. I was able to hear about the lives of so many adults, and a particularly interesting point many of them made was that they had either taken a gap semester or wished they had. Some did it for family reasons, some did it because they wanted to travel before university, and some did it because they needed to work. Regardless of the reason, taking a break was beneficial to them.
The following fall, I decided to go back to my university in Prague, and I changed my major to journalism & communications (with a concentration in marketing). Throughout my conversations with friends and family, I realized that I needed to pick a major that was versatile enough that I could go any direction with it. With communications, I knew that I could find a job in any field, and I knew that it wasn’t a subject that would lose it’s value. I liked the program and I was in a much better place than I had been the prior fall, but I still didn’t love the university I was at. I toyed with the idea of transferring, but I didn’t want to move and have to deal with the visa process again, or have to start over. Plus in my mind, I should be happy with my decision after my gap semester, right?
I spoke with a friend who attended another university in Prague, and she told me that she was in the communication & media program there (she had transferred from the university I was currently at). She said the program was exactly what she was looking for and that she thought I would like it, prompting me to decide to meet with the administration. The school as a whole seemed like a much better fit; they had more flexibility with their courses, and they had interesting electives that combined my personal and professional interests. I started the transfer process in December, and by the end of January I was at orientation.
I was so nervous to make another change. After the previous year and a half, I was really scared of making a decision that I would regret. I didn’t want to deny the fact that there were some inexcusable issues at my last university, nor did I want to invalidate my feelings of apprehension. Change is hard no matter how big or small it is. But I can say that I’ve now been at that university for a year, and I am much happier. I’ve taken some of the most interesting courses, met some pretty cool people (and I’m still close with my friends at my old university), and because they accepted my community college credits, I’m now graduating from a 4-year program in 2.5 years.
If you had told 16-year-old me how many times she would have to make major life decisions in the next 5 years, she’d probably freak out. Trust me, I have freaked out. But if there’s anything I can say, it’s that it’s okay to change your mind. You could be 20, 32, 47, 60, or 75, and it’s still okay to change your mind. Nothing is permanent, and I hope that from reading about my experience you know that even though it’s scary, it can turn out how you want it to. And you know what? If it ends up not turning out that way, or you tried it and you decided it’s not for you, then you can change your mind again. That’s the beauty of life — nothing is set in stone. We’re all on this little Earth for such a short amount of time, and during that time we deserve to give anything and everything a chance without worrying about if we tried too many things, do you know what I mean?
If you’re reading this and you’re currently feeling lost, your feelings are valid. I don’t know a 20-something-year old who actually knows exactly what they’re doing. I don’t even know a 30- or 40-something year old who does! We have no idea what’s going on in other people’s minds. Try to remember that even if someone seems to have it all figured out, they probably don’t (and comparison is out in 2024). If you take anything from this, it’s that you deserve to be happy and if that means making a scary leap of faith, I support you doing so. Every mistake and decision I’ve made has lead me to where I am now. I’ve learned so much about the world and myself in this process, and although there’s always the “what ifs,” I wouldn’t take back my decisions. In 6 months, I graduate college, and my chapter in Prague will end. I currently have no idea what I’ll be doing in the fall, or where I’ll even be in the world. I’m terrified, and I’m so excited. I get to make a big decision soon, and if that turns out to be something I don’t fully enjoy, then I’ll change my mind and do something else, and that’s okay. As always, thank you for reading, and I hope even one point I made in this post resonated with you. Thank you for being here.
