Girlhood

“Does anyone have a tampon?”

“Could you take a picture of me?”

“Can I rant for a second?”

“You have the prettiest smile.”

“Come dance with me.”

“Can you braid my hair?”

“Text me when you get home.”

“Do you have a hair tie?”

“You have an eyelash on your cheek, make a wish.”

Women, to put it plainly, are incredible. I am surrounded by powerful women; women who inspire me, who give me advice, who teach me, who hug me. As women, we are told to nurture, care for, and clean up after the world. And while we learned to do that, we also learned to cling to other women. Through this, we found girlhood.

I grew up with fiercely intelligent women in my life. My great-grandmother holds tenure for mentoring and providing for the generations after her. She encourages me to live my life to the fullest and always roots for me from afar. My grandmother, her daughter, has worked incredibly hard to gain the respect of those around her, and I have no doubt in my mind that she deserves it. She is the type of woman who has given so much of her self to serving others and asks for nothing in return. She is sharp, clever, self-disciplined, considerate, and taught me the importance of respecting my own intelligence. I can see parts of her in my mother, a woman who also gives more than she receives. My mom is generous, understanding, and an intellectual who has spent her life learning and educating. If I ask her a question, she takes the time to answer, but only after allowing me to navigate my own thoughts on the topic. She allowed me to be independent, yet is a sounding board for my worries. My sister is also hyper-intelligent, to the point that I can ask her any question and she can give me a ten-minute response. I envy the way in which she consumes knowledge, soaking it up with no regard for limitations. She is also one of the most devoted friends, remembering birthdays, big life events, and acting as a guiding hand. The three generations ahead of me are stubborn, sometimes short-tempered, and self-opinionated, yet they’re also dedicated and kind individuals who sacrifice heavily. I am immensely grateful to have been raised by them.

My chosen family, the women who don’t take my bullshit, who let me rant, who have confidence in me, who read this blog just because I’m the one writing it — they’re the ones keeping me together after leaving home. I don’t know if it’s possible to verbalize the feeling that comes when you’re surrounded by women who genuinely want to support you. I have hours-long conversations with friends about life, relationships, the future, food, cats, music … anything you can think of. We share a collective anger towards the world for making us feel like what we have to say isn’t worth the conversation. And because we recognize that, women create an environment between one another which fosters the idiosyncrasies that aren’t deemed important enough to be discussed on an institutional level. Women aren’t taught about their bodies because they’re not ours to dispute. We’re in debilitating pain? We’re bleeding through super-tampons in an hour? Oh, that’s just your period. It’s normal. We feel unsafe walking at night, or riding the bus alone, or in a bar with friends? Why are you putting yourself in those positions? Our cars are designed to save the lives of a man in a crash. Our gyms have machines designed for a man’s body. Smartphones are designed for male hands. The community that women have built is there for us to acknowledge that these things are wrong without being gaslit into blaming ourselves. My point is that girlhood is the way in which we have compartmentalized the byproduct of the patriarchy on our mental health.

I love that girlhood is “trending” after the Barbie movie came out. ‘Girl math’ and ‘girl dinner’ represent women forming their daily lives and decisions around what they want to do. If you look into the 28-day cycle, women have phases in which our bodies require different things from us. Meaning, we shouldn’t be running on a 24-hour day, because this isn’t the most beneficial routine for us. If that means a woman eats several smaller meals throughout the day, or chooses to eat miscellaneous food groups and call it “dinner” then so be it. I actually love that we realized that other women do it, too, because its a representation of reality, not something that people are just doing because it’s popular. I love the idea of “little treats” as a reward for doing something, whether it be big or small. I love getting ready with my girlfriends before going out — putting on music, giving makeup advice, picking outfits from a collective closet, taking pictures. It’s one of the most genuine interactions women have. I love women supporting women. I love women complimenting women. I love bar bathrooms when a complete stranger tells you she loves your outfit and you reciprocate by complimenting her makeup and you end the night with new friends on Instagram. I love being able to ask any woman for a tampon, or if you have something in your teeth, or if your hair looks okay. This is girlhood.

If you look up the word “giving,” synonyms include “womanly,” “motherly,” “matriarchal,” and “feminine.” Linguistics alone tell us that things are either masculine or feminine, and those which are feminine are there to support the masculine. Reading back on my descriptions of the women in my life, “giving” is a pattern. I do not know a woman who wouldn’t sacrifice or aid or provide to others if she was asked, and I know that’s part of the problem. I want to make sure the women in my life aren’t giving so much of themselves that they cannot also cater to their own person. We are just as human as other people, and protecting that needs to be prioritized. I think all individuals should feel valued and important, but today, I especially want to lift up the women in my life who are too often unappreciated.

I also want to include an acknowledgment that in this article, I am mainly referring to men and women, but I want to include other genders in this conversation. There are many individuals affected by the patriarchy, and women aren’t the only ones who experience the issues I weigh. I can only speak from my own experience, but I know that intersectionality within discussions of inequality are important.

Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez

If you’d like to read more about gender inequality in everyday life, this book is incredibly educating. I haven’t yet finished it, but it’s full of valuable information for people of all genders to educate themselves on the disparity that exists between a man’s world and a woman’s world.