The Post-Grad Spiral, Election Anxiety, and the Never-Ending Job Search

What actually happens after graduation? After the ceremonies and congratulations, the fancy dinners and last hurrahs? Somewhere along the line, you’re presented with the opportunity to say goodbye to that chapter of your life. It’s not necessarily a graceful transition. You don’t always have a dream job offer, and you aren’t guaranteed your perfect apartment in the city you’ve always wanted to live in. Usually it involves packing up an apartment, several long send-offs, and sometimes tearfully heading to an airport for a flight back to the place you were running from. Five months ago, I had to take a step back and reimagine how I saw this next phase of my life, turning down one opportunity in hopes that one better aligned would come my way.

It’s humbling and comforting to go back home after college. I think that most people I’ve spoken to who are in a similar situation would agree. The job market for young post-grads is truly the worst it’s ever been, and the state of my home country isn’t helping that at all. It’s an odd feeling to be simultaneously concerned about the future of your career and the rights to your own body. After having the privilege to live abroad and witness alternatives to life in America, I was, like many, apprehensive to move back. Although the choice was a combination of lack of other options and a need for re-grounding, I can truthfully say that any other decision would be just as difficult. Instead of guilt for living abroad, I am now faced with the guilt of living at home, away from my friends, the city I love, and the independence I once had. But with that recognition, I can also say that I am rebuilding relationships with my loved ones here, opening myself up to new ones, and taking time to refocus on what I really want to do outside of university. There are many circumstances which affirm to me why coming home was the right choice, many small joys, but there is still an underlying grief that comes with any change. What comforts me most is community, those I know personally and those who also choose to share their experiences in hopes that other twenty-somethings can feel reassured and connected.

I struggle with social media mostly because there is an overarching understanding that humans were never meant to be so easily accessible. Millions of people were never supposed to be able to be reached instantaneously by the tap of a screen, and as a result we don’t have a standard for how to communicate with one another. On the other hand, never before have people had connection in the way we do now. We have platforms for mental health, for disability awareness, for education — essentially for any niche interest you could have — and the benefit of this is that we now, more than ever, feel less alone. As someone who has felt so pessimistic about the future recently, mostly thanks to the never-ending stream of “we unfortunately will not be proceeding forward with your candidacy for this position” in my email, it helps to see others posting about the same experience. Other young professionals hoping to get their foot in the door, trying to work their way up the corporate ladder or even just figure out how to start paying off their student loans. Trying to explain it to those outside our generation can feel ostracizing, even embarrassing, because there’s no perfect way to say “the job market is ruthless and we may never even get Social Security, so is it even worth it?” to someone twenty or thirty years older than you. The conversations that have kept me sane through the post-grad spiral are those with my peers, other students or post-graduates who are attempting the same navigation I am and who reassure me that there is no right or wrong way to figure it all out. There’s no guidebook to adulthood now that we can’t follow the traditional college-job-marriage-kids-retirement pipeline. As much as many of us want to reach these aspirations, we’ve had to reimagine our path to getting there.

I renamed this part of my blog “Growing Pains” because I felt it more accurately described a place where I can include all of the reflections I make not only through my own process, but also through conversations, observations, and experiences. As many may warn you, your twenties are a time where you oscillate through loving and hating yourself, everyone around you, and your decisions. One day you’ll wake up and decide to dye your hair, and the next you’ll be checking your credit card statement and figuring out a payment plan on a new couch. You’ll fight with your parents, but learn to become friends with them, too. You’ll hate getting advice from other people, but it will also be the one thing that keeps you from spiraling over the edge. You’ll fall in love, not just romantically, but also spiritually, platonically, and, eventually, with yourself. You’ll change your mind, your career, your style, your relationship status. You might decide to travel, or to save all of your money, or to splurge on a fancy dinner. You’ll often feel judged, but more likely be feeling comparison rather than scrutiny. We’re all looking at one another for guidance, hoping that we’re not the only ones feeling lost and confused. In case it helps — nobody has it figured out. You’re in a period of your life full of growth, but with that often comes growing pains. As I’ve started to notice, the more we talk about it, the more normalized it is to not have all of the answers. As we collectively navigate the changing environment, politics and all, I find comfort in the idea that I’m not the only one in a near-constant state of anxiety regarding my future. Hopefully my writing about it can make you feel reassured, too.

Welcome to the post-grad chapter of SonderlyBlog, I’m so happy you’re here.